Excellent short jokes_funny jokes_5

1.Playing house

Two little children, a boy and a girl, walked hand-in-hand to a neighbor’s house.
The little girl stood on her tiptoes and just able to reach the doorbell. Then, an elderly lady greeted them at the front door.
“Good morning, children,” she said. “What can I do for you?”
“We’re playing house,” the little girl answered. “This is my husband”… “and I’m his wife. Can we come in?”
Thoroughly enchanted by the scene, the elderly lady replied, “By all means, do come in.”
Once inside, she offered the children lemonade and cookies, which they graciously accepted. When a second tall glass of lemonade was offered, the little girl politely declined.
“No thank you,” she said. “We have to go now. My husband just wet his pants.”
2.Looking for me

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers.
He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whispered, “Hello?”
Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, “Is your Daddy home?”
“Yes”, whispered the small voice.
“May I talk with him?” the man asked.
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, “No.”
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mommy there?”
“Yes”, came the answer.
“May I talk with her?”
Again the small voice whispered, “no”.
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. “Is there any one there besides you?” the boss asked the child.
“Yes” whispered the child, “A policeman”.
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, “May I speak with the policeman”?
“No, he’s busy”, whispered the child.
“Busy doing what?, asked the boss.
“Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman”, came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, “What is that noise?”
A hello-copper”, answered the whispering voice.
“What is going on there?”, asked the boss, now alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered, “The search team just landed the hello-copper”
Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, “Why are they there”?
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: “They’re looking for me!”
3.X-ray

A young girl was told she needed an X-ray. She went in and seemed especially nervous.
When she came out of the X-ray room, she told her mother, “They took a picture of my bones.”
“Yes, dear,” replied the mother. “Did everything go all right?”
“Sure,” said the girl. “It was great. I didn’t even have to take my skin off!”
4.Summer Camp

A counselor was helping his kids put their stuff away on their first morning in Summer Camp.
He was surprised to see one of the youngsters had an umbrella.
The counselor asked, “Why did you bring an umbrella to camp?”
The kid answered, “Did you ever have a mother?”
5.Fur coat

Watching her mother as she tried on her new fur coat, a young girl said unhappily, “Mom, do you realize some poor animal suffered so you could have that?”
Her mother shot her an angry look, “How dare you talk about your father like that?”