Excellent short jokes_funny jokes_1

1..Timing is Everything

A very close friend of mine, named Alan, is chronically late, and not by just a little. Anybody that knows Alan knows that he is totally undependable and will always show up an hour late, if he shows up at all. But somehow people put up with this frustrating characteristic because he is one of the funniest, most charming individuals you will ever meet.
An occasion that I remember provides an illustration. A group of 4-5 people had plans to go to dinner together, including Alan. The plan was to meet at the home of “Brent”, who had arranged the whole thing, at 8:00pm, have a quick drink, and still make our 8:30 dinner reservation. At 9:30, Alan had still not shown. Everyone, but especially Brent who had by then made 3 calls to the restaurant, was hungry and extremely angry at Alan.
Just when we had decided to go on without him, he showed up. As we were all climbing into Brent’s car, Brent had to take some stuff out of the back seat and put it into the trunk so we would all have room to sit. Only Alan could have then said “Gee, Brent, you had an hour and a half. Couldn’t you at least get the car cleaned out?” The laughter that ensued caused everyone to forget how hungry and mad we were.
2.How Much Is It?

It was winter, and Mrs. Hermann wanted to do a lot of shopping, so she waited until it was Saturday, when her husband was free, and she took him to the shops with her to pay for everything and to carry her parcels. They went to a lot of shops, and Mrs. Hermann bought a lot of things. She often stopped and said, “Look, Joe! Isn’t that beautiful!”
He then answered, “All right, dear, How much is it?” and took his money out to pay for it.
It was dark when they came out of the last shop, and Mr. Hermann was tired and thinking about other things, like a nice drink by the side of a warm fire at home. Suddenly his wife looked up at the sky and said, “Look at that beautiful moon, Joe!”
Without stopping, Mr. Hermann answered, “All right, dear, How much is it?”
3.Three Whistles

I promised my girlfriend a gold necklace for her birthday, but when the jeweler quoted a price for one we liked, I let out a long, low whistle. “And how much are they then?” I asked, pointing to another tray.
“You, sir,” replied the jeweler, “about three whistles.”
4.Camera

On our way to a wedding in Vermont, my husband and I realized we had forgotten our camera. We stopped at a general store and, hoping to purchase a cheap, disposable model. Sal asked the owner, “Do you have any of those throwaway cameras?”
“Look, fella,” replied the owner, “I don’t care what you do with it after you buy it.”